This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize