We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
