my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
