Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
