I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize