its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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