i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize