woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
