...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
