ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
