It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
