weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
