It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
