The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
