Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
