so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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