I hope mine doesn't look like that
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
