a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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