My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
