He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
