so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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