i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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