my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
