The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
