I must be too annoying 4 u.
I puked a lego.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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