if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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