Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
