I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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