They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
