So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
