Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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