yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
