totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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