so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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