you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
