Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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