Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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