Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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