mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize