Only a mothe r could love this liver
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize