Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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