I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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