he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
