If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
