lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
