i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
