See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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