that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
