I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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