wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
