i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
