I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
