I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
