he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
