You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
