I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Nicole vs. Life
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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