I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My ATM looks so different sober.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize