i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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