Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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