My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
