Did you just see the Batmobile???
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
