Umm I'm too high to move.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
