If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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