So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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