I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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