Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
