hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
