It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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