You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
